Toilet Food

We had a discussion in my office to prepare for the Student-Centred Workshop happening this weekend at Pulau Jerejak. So I said, let's go for lunch. Some one said that the noodle shop in Queensbay is offering 1 dollar chicken. Woah, let's go. Along the way, we discovered the offer is available only in the evening. So what to eat, what to eat? Then we saw this shop with toilet bowls all over. I thought they we selling sanitary ware. Say, it's a restaurant. Wanna try? Sure, why not?It has a glamourous label of "concept restaurant". The novelty is you sit on an actual toilet bowl and the food is served in miniature toilet bowls or toilet bowl covers. The tables are made from sinks.
I didn't finish my fried udon, which tasted like it had a ton of sugar added. The consensus was that the food is fit for the toilet. And damn expensive shit too (sorry). Our feedback on the form rated it 3 out of 10. Added comment "Get a new cook".

I remember a restaurant in Butterworth called Imperial Noodles. The name attracted huge crowds. We went once and said "never again". The shop has now gone under. This people don't understand. It's all about the food.

But Min Fey says he has a brilliant idea. His restaurant will be like a lab (you know, those places with test tubes and bunsen burners and pipette were things goes BOOM!). I offered to put in RM100 investment. Who knows? Could become a million when it goes public.

Indulgent Parenting

I think we were somewhere at the Gold Coast, the one Downunder. And I asked my eldest, Vivian (she called me papa!), "Are we indulgent parents". She didn't bat an eye and said, "Yes". I looked her --- and she said "OK, what?". So, we continue to be indulgent parents.

See me pulling the "Long Tea" in the picture below? Teh tarik, for us locals. It started when the boys were walking out of my house after one of their brainstorming sessions preparing for the inter-school debate (my youngest daughter is in the Chung Ling Butterworth school team). I said "knock them out. And I will buy you all teh tarik". And so they went on to not only knock out the other team but went all the way to the district finals. And came up champions. They beat St Marks, Dato Onn and Convent in the process.

So, I had to honour my promise. But getting them together is a logistics nightmare. They are not only so busy (I told my daughter her schedule is worst then mine) but it would involve several sets of parents driving their kid to the mamak stall.

Then my wife had a brilliant idea - "why don't you do the teh tarik yourself". OK, I am game. To make it authentic, we walked to the corner sundry shop to buy a can of condensed milk. Hey, this was what we used to feed babies and toddlers in the olden days. So, this is also an indulgence for me 'cos I usually take my evening tea without sugar.

Not bad for a wannabe mamak hawker. If you are wondering, this was not my first teh tarik attempt. I am actually quite good at it - something to fall back on if the university were to offer us all VSS. Picture courtesy of my wife.

Ah, but my wife was equally indulgent. She baked cinnamon rolls to go with the teh tarik. Lot's of sugar too.

The two boys fighting for the biggest rolls? Actually, the two of them shared one roll - too full from sumptious dinner (eh, not provided by me). Photo courtesy of Jillian.

So, knock them out again, I said! This time they are going up against Penang Free School tomorrow in the State-level competition. They are aiming to go only up to the semi-finals. My daughter told me she hopes they don't get into the finals. What? Why? For one, the final competition will be on thursday and she (and one other team member) is in the School Band parade for their annual school sports day on thursday. But the backup team (reserves) can take over, what? "I don't think they will let us win". Huh? Apparently, the winners at the State-level will go to the national level competition. And there is a rule which says that the state team must include a bumiputra member. Sure or not? Yes, for sure, I was told.

It is almost impossible (ok, make that totally impossible) for the Chung Ling team to find a non-Chinese (much less a bumiputra) student good enough to debate in English. You can probably count on one hand the number of non-Chinese students in a "Chinese" school. Heck, they have enough trouble trying to find ANY student willing to take part in debate, more so for English debate. Do you know how bad the English is in our schools? I know, 'cos I encounter many of the outputs from our schools in my classes.

So, of course you ask, if English is so bad in the Schools, how come these kids can go on to win even the District competition? Take my word for it, they are good. And you can be sure they didn't get that good from the English lessons in School. More so in a Chinese School. I think some of these schools even have a policy banning any spoken language other than Mandarin. They are not allowed to speak even in the Chinese dialects (like Hokkein). Those who are good in spoken and written English are mainly getting it from outside the School.

Anyway, I think the rule sucks. The people organising these events should figure out what is their agenda. National unity and integration? Or promoting excellence in language (English, in this case). Get your priorities right. Not everything has to be in the same bag.

Of course debate is only half about language. A major part of it is the "points", the arguments, and being convincing even if you think the topic is working against your position. In debate, it does not matter whether the topic seems to lean towards either "government" or "opposition". It's creative line of attack which wins the day. And these chaps from Chung Ling had caught their competition by surprise by stretching their imagination.

For the record, my roll, ooops, role is not just to pamper them when they brainstorm in my house. I also play the role of storm-maker. Ah, but I try very hard not to try too hard. It's part of their learning.

BANG! And your heart goes POP!

Driving on the Penang Bridge is life-threatening. The number of accidents on the bridge is very high. They have even put up a huge board which keeps track of the running total number of accidents in the year. I think it now stands at around 50 since the beginning of the year. I think last year, it was something like 280 or so accidents. That's like one accident every other day, with some to spare.

This morning on the approach to exit the bridge on the Island side, the queue was usual. I was on the left lane preparing to exit. There was maybe about 20 or 30 metres of clear space between me and the car in front. But on the right lane, the queue was quite packed. And then about maybe 10 or 15 metres ahead, I saw a Kancil bang smack into a Proton. I could feel the impact and my heart felt like I had just run a 100 metres at top speed. My first instinct was to touch my brakes to slow down. I looked into the rear mirror to make sure no one was bearing down on me. As I expected, a few drivers behind the Kancil started to change lanes - into my lane! Impatient idiots!

As I passed the Kancil I saw that the lady was "unhurt" but I am sure her heart must have stop for 5 seconds. Didn't get to see the guy in the Proton.

According to the "Road Safety Plan of Malaysia 2006- 2010" (Ministry of Transport, 2006), road accidents increased by 74% between 1996 and 2005 (328,000 cases). Road deaths increased by a "mere" 1.8% (6,188 deaths in 2005). Per 10,000 registered vehicles, the index went down from 8.2 deaths in 1996 to 4.2 deaths in 2005. Three cheers????

The report calculated that the total social cost (hhhm?) of road crashes (including more than 6,000 deaths) in 2004 was a stunning RM9 BILLION. And then it starts comparing with advanced nations like Great Britains and says that this is not satisfactory. Huh? Is there a satisfactory or acceptable level of accidents and social cost from road accidents? Like acceptable poison levels in food and plastics? What the heck, if you want to know, in 2004 the number of deaths per 10,000 vehicles are : Malaysia 4.5 deaths; Germany 1.23; Great Britain 1.18.

Want some more? The GOAL of the Ministry is to reduce roads deaths by 52.4% (from 4.2 in 2005 to 2.0 in 2010). Put it another way, the GOAL is to reduce from 23 deaths per 100,000 population to only 10 deaths per 100,000.

Hey, here's a thought. Why can't we have ZERO accidents? Why is it that we allow engineers to design and build roads which are accident-prone? Why do we allow car designers and manufacturers to make cars which are lethal weapons of destruction?

Not possible you say? Well think again. Penang State is trying to make the whole state WIFI-enabled right? Well, think 10 maybe 15 years into the future. Futuristics are talking about the day when there will be no accidents on the road. How, you ask. Technology of course. Specifically, WIMAX (WIFI on steriods) and GPS. For the uninitiated, that's Global Positioning System, the one you see on TV about the CIA being able to track criminals because handphones now have GPS. Also becoming very popular in Malaysia with some mobile phones and maps to guide you to your destination as your drive.

But how? Well, the first key is, you won't be allowed to drive. Ya, you are all hopeless when it comes to driving. Sensors in the car will use GPS and the local area network (WIMAX) to keep everybody (cars lah) at a safe distance from each other.

So, I guess if you want see that you and your loved ones don't end up as a crash dummy, SUPPORT PENANG STATE WIFI - the road to ZERO road accidents.